“I see my parents as tiny children who need love”
“I have compassion for my parents’ childhoods. I now know that I chose them because they were perfect for what I had to learn. I forgive them and set them free, and I set myself free.”
Can you separate yourself for a moment from the view of your parents or cargivers as seen by you as a child? See your caregiver as a person who has their own set of life experience and emotions, who had their own childhood. As a child they knew whatever they were taught and experienced. At what point did they magically become an adult or parent who knew how to do the right thing and what that was? They didn’t. Unless they have done some inner work and consciously knew to ask for help, they could only teach you and treat you the way they knew.
Think about your own life. How hard can it be to always know the right thing to do or to do the right thing when you think you know it? Especially if you didn’t have parents or good examples to show you the way.
There is no right or wrong way. We are all learning. Of course you are right to have feelings about your parents and your childhood. This is natural. Having compassion for your parents’ childhoods does not in any way diminish your experience and the compassion you can have for yourself. You are allowed to honor your pain as a child who needed something from your parents and also honor the pain of your parents who needed something from theirs. We are all here learning together, going through different layers of awareness and experience. This Life is not always easy and doesn’t always make sense. Let’s have compassion for everyone, our own Self included, and be willing to forgive and give each other our best chance, caregivers and children alike.
Along with compassion, if you are an adult, please I encourage you to look within and be willing to do some inner work so that you may have more understanding and have more capacity to live a life you enjoy, and be a more aware, equipped parent if you have children. There is no blame here. Only awareness and love. I highly recommend everyone read You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L Hay.